Tenets of the Church of Republicanism

[Frances Morey]

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Discovered this interesting commentary at
www.burntorangereport.com. Please pass along to your
favorite Republican/Democrat.

Things you have to Believe to be a Republican Today
Why? Because it's Tuesday and everyone could use some
humor...

Sent to me by a friend...

Things you have to believe to be a Republican today: 

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime,
unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an
illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

The United States should get out of the United
Nations, and our highest national priority is
enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

Government should relax regulation of Big Business and
Big Money but crack down on individuals who use
marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.

"Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers
and moving their jobs to India.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own
body, but multi-national corporations can make
decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals
and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise
the troops in speeches while slashing veterans'
benefits and combat pay.

Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you
someday run for governor of California as a
Republican.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't
have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our
long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and
money.

HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the
public at heart.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy.
Providing health care To all Americans is socialism.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk
science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy
when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when
Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush
needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an
impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist
support for a war in which thousands die is solid
defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in
the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages
and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle
trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of
our business.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney
General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter
initiatives they have a right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital
national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is
irrelevant. 

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is
communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital
to a spirit of international harmony.



=====
John Franks
Williamson County Democratic Primary Administrator
512-868-8450

Plato: 
An imbalance between rich and poor is the oldest and most fatal ailment 
of
all republics.



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<DIV>Discovered this interesting commentary at<BR>www.burntorangereport.com. Please pass along to your<BR>favorite Republican/Democrat.<BR><BR>Things you have to Believe to be a Republican Today<BR>Why? Because it's Tuesday and everyone could use some<BR>humor...<BR><BR>Sent to me by a friend...<BR><BR>Things you have to believe to be a Republican today: <BR><BR>Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime,<BR>unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an<BR>illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.<BR><BR>The United States should get out of the United<BR>Nations, and our highest national priority is<BR>enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.<BR><BR>Government should relax regulation of Big Business and<BR>Big Money but crack down on individuals who use<BR>marijuana to relieve the pain of illness.<BR><BR>"Standing Tall for America" means firing your workers<BR>and moving their jobs to India.<BR><BR>A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her
 own<BR>body, but multi-national corporations can make<BR>decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.<BR><BR>Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals<BR>and Hillary Clinton.<BR><BR>The best way to improve military morale is to praise<BR>the troops in speeches while slashing veterans'<BR>benefits and combat pay.<BR><BR>Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins unless you<BR>someday run for governor of California as a<BR>Republican.<BR><BR>If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't<BR>have sex.<BR><BR>A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our<BR>long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and<BR>money.<BR><BR>HMOs and insurance companies have the interest of the<BR>public at heart.<BR><BR>Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy.<BR>Providing health care To all Americans is socialism.<BR><BR>Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk<BR>science, but creationism should be taught in schools.<BR><BR>Saddam was a good guy
 when Reagan armed him, a bad guy<BR>when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when<BR>Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush<BR>needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.<BR><BR>A president lying about an extramarital affair is an<BR>impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist<BR>support for a war in which thousands die is solid<BR>defense policy.<BR><BR>Government should limit itself to the powers named in<BR>the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages<BR>and censoring the Internet.<BR><BR>The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle<BR>trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of<BR>our business.<BR><BR>You support states' rights, which means Attorney<BR>General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter<BR>initiatives they have a right to adopt.<BR><BR>What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital<BR>national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is<BR>irrelevant. <BR><BR>Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country
 is<BR>communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital<BR>to a spirit of international harmony.<BR><BR><BR><BR>=====<BR>John Franks<BR>Williamson County Democratic Primary Administrator<BR>512-868-8450<BR><BR>Plato: <BR>An imbalance between rich and poor is the oldest and most fatal ailment <BR>of<BR>all republics.<BR></DIV><p><hr SIZE=1>
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