NGC: The Practical Joker Issue #296

[Byron Black]

This is an excellent group that I've belonged to for several years now. Note
the mechanically-oriented (disoriented) practical joke described below.

Hope you like it (in case I'm bothering you, nyaah)

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----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Practical Joker" <practicaljoker@fakecrap.com>
To: <blacky@cbn.net.id>
Sent: Wednesday, July 28, 2004 5:15 PM
Subject: The Practical Joker Issue #296


> ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
>
>
>        "The Practical Joker"
>
>
> ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
>
>
> ~^~  A weekly newsletter for people who like practical jokes  ~^~
>
>
>         Issue #296
>        July 28, 2004
>
>
>
> ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
>
>
>      Sponsored by:
>
>             Cheap Tricks, The Wiseguy's Supermarket
>
>             "Best Damn Joke Shop in Silicon Alley"
>
>                   http://www.fakecrap.com
>
>
>
> ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
>
>
> "I know you believe you understand what you
> think I said. But I am not sure you realize
> that what you heard is not what I meant."
>
> -- Patrick Murray
>
>
>
> ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
>
>
>
> THE FIENDISH IDEA OF THE WEEK
>
>
>
>
> Brake Time
>
> Bill is a mechanic who loves to play practical jokes
> on new employees. This is a guy who is always at it. He'll
> stumble into the break area with an exhaust manifold, drop
> it with a clang and announce "I'm exhausted!" He also does
> a funny "I'm shocked" routine with shock absorbers. Often
> his wit is wasted on the dullards who come to work here.
> For those guys he has several fake poison jokes that he
> uses. He cleans out empty solvent containers really well,
> then puts in his own mixtures. He mixed up some kool-aid and
> food coloring to get a nice antifreeze color. He'll be
> working on a radiator, then pour a glass of the fake anti-
> freeze into a glass and slug it down. The newbies really
> freak when they see him do that. For variety, sometimes
> he'll spit the stuff out and start coughing and choking.
> It's hilarious to watch! He also has some fake windshield
> washer fluid that is actually blue Gator Aide. When he
> takes a slug out of the jug that's sitting on top of the
> battery, people just conclude that the guy is drinking
> poison. He also has fake brake fluid in a specially marked
> container. He'll arrange to have it on another mechanic's
> bench. Then, he'll say "let me see that stuff". He'll open
> it, sniff it, then take a big drink, spit it out and say
> the stuff is expired.
>
>
> Our thanks and a Bag O' Tricks go out to the contributor for
> this edition of the Fiendish Idea of the Week. This week's
> devious prankster signs off as a friend of Bill.
>
>
> Do you do bizarre things such as this to amuse yourself and
> drive people nuts? Send your practical joke in and you will
> win a bag of tricks if we use your idea. Speaking of which,
> we now have a new assortment to that bag of tricks. See the
> sponsor's section below for details. Remember, you can win
> more than once in this contest. Email your practical jokes to:
>
> practicaljoker@fakecrap.com
>
> Don't worry about minor problems such as grammar or content.
> Our trained staff of bullshit artists will fill stuff in and
> change it all around to the point where you might not even
> recognize this as something you wrote up and sent in.
>
>
> ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
>
>
>
>      CLASSIC PRANKS
>
>
>
> Mom's Juice Prank
>
> Use some small juice glasses, not the clear kind,
> and fill them with orange jello. Then put just a small amount
> of juice on top of the jello and place the glasses around
> the table. Watch the fun as the kids try to get a drink!
> (An original prank supplied by Karen Jansen, St. Charles,
> Missouri.)
>
>
>
> John Who?
>
> Here's a harmless summer camp prank that's kind of
> lame but, because it's so stupid, it's always good for a laugh.
> There are two variations of this trick and both require a
> glass of ice cold water. In the first scenario, the victim
> is in a bathroom stall. Knock on the stall or say "knock-
> knock". In response to "who's there", say "John". And when
> they ask "John who?" the appropriate response is "John the
> Baptist" accompanied by emptying the glass of cold water
> over the stall. The other way to use this trick of course
> is while the victim is taking a hot shower.
> (A former Fiendish Idea of the week contributed by
> Chris Langley from Beaumont, Texas.)
>
>
>
> The Loan
>
> Get to work early or stay late and "borrow" every
> stapler in the office. Leave a note to each stapler owner
> from the mark promising to bring the stapler back in a couple
> of days. Put all the staplers in a box under the mark's desk
> or otherwise concealed in his office.
>
>
>
> Mushroom Soup
>
> Frank is a regular who pushes his luck to the point
> where it's amazing that he doesn't get beat up all the time.
> Recently Frank bought a fake roach on one of his visits. He
> takes the fake roach and goes to a nearby restaurant and orders
> some mushroom soup. He eats the soup until there is just a
> little bit left in the bottom of the bowl, then he drops the
> fake roach in the soup and goes up to the counter with it.
> There he starts making a big deal of how disgusting it is that
> they would serve him soup with a roach in it. When he gets
> them to the point where they are apologizing and offering to
> make it good, he says: "that's okay, I'll just eat it". And
> he picks it out of the soup and pops it in his mouth. Finally
> he tells them it's just a joke.
>
>
>
> ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
>
>
> Top Ten Bag O' Tricks
>     Version 2.0
>
>
>   *** Fart Spray -- the "good kind" in the "silent but
> deadly" pocket-sized pump.
>   *** Cigarette Loads -- the classic exploders.
>   *** Bullet Hole Stickers -- realistic effect that can be
> used on cars, walls, lockers, helmets, etc.
>   *** Groucho Glasses -- the best version around for the
> lowest price.
>   *** Fake Lotto Ticket -- the original Tricktic (tm) brand,
> the one that's actually funny.
>   *** Deluxe Dog Doo -- good shit!
>   *** Stink Bombs -- best brand available.
>   *** Pulling Tricks -- handy little booby traps with many uses
> for the devious prankster.
>   *** Exploding Pen -- fires a loud cap when the victim pulls
> the top off.
>   *** Caps -- package of 96 single shots, for use in all
> exploders.
>
> If purchased separately from Cheap Tricks, these items would
> cost $15.35 (more elsewhere). You can buy this bag of tricks
> for only $10.00 or, as mentioned above, you can win it just
> for sending in your practical jokes. Complete instructions are
> included with the package. Check it out on this page:
>
> http://www.fakecrap.com/products/top_ten_set.html
>
>
>
>
> ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
>
>
>
>     THE FIENDISH IDEA OF THE WEEK CONTEST
>
> Email your practical joke experience or idea to:
>
> practicaljoker@fakecrap.com
>
> or, go to the contest page and put your ideas in the suggestion
> block:
> http://www.fakecrap.com/contest.html
>
> Winners will be notified by email if we intend to use your
> idea. Prize is a Top 10 Practical Joke Pack (now in Version
> 2.0) with a cash value of $10.00 plus priority mail shipping
> (or international air mail to countries outside the US). Prize
> can be substituted. No purchase is required.
>
>
>
> ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
>
>
> MAILING LIST DRAWING
>
>
> Each week a name from the mailing list is drawn at random to
> win a Wise Guy Starter Set. If you are on this mailing list
> then you are entered. So if you did not receive this message,
> be sure to let us know right away. The winner's email address
> will be published in the newsletter with two dashes (--)
> substituting letters in the e-mail address to protect your
> internet privacy. To claim your prize send an email with
> your name and address to:
>
> practicaljoker@fakecrap.com
>
> Cash value of this prize is $5.00 plus priority mail shipping.
> (or international air mail to countries outside the US). No
> purchase is required. Prize can be substituted.
>
> *** This week's Mailing List Drawing winner is:
>
> k--arp@arkansas.net
>
>
> ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
>
>
> OFFICIAL DISCLAIMER
>
> The ideas in this newsletter are presented for your
> amusement only. We do not encourage you to try these pranks
> yourself. Doing so could result in your being fired from your
> job, kicked out of school, divorced by your spouse, arrested
> by the cops, beat up by angry victims, alienated by your
> family (okay, so there's one plus), and most certainly,
> subject to escalating reprisal by your victims. Oh, and by
> the way, if any or all of these things do happen to you, be
> sure to write in and share your experiences. Others can learn
> by your example and you could be compensated with a bag of
> tricks.
>
>
> ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
>
>
> "A husband should not insult his wife in
> public. He should insult her in the privacy
> of the home."
>
> -- James Thurber
>
>
>
> ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
>
>
> Do you like humorous quotations like the
> one above? Sign up to receive our free daily
> newsletter, "The Wisecrack of Dawn". The
> Wisecrack of Dawn newsletter has received
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> Wisenheimer Institute for Sarcastic Expression
> And Silly Sayings (WISEASS).
>
> To subscribe just send a blank email to:
>
> wisecrackofdawn-on@mail-list.com
>
>
> ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
>
>
> (c) Copyright 2004. All rights reserved.
>
>
> ~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~^~
>
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