[AGL] Horse or Bicycle

[mwheless]

Check out Wall St. Journal 30 Aug 2005, Tuesday. Sec D. pg 1
Health Journal by Kevin Helliker
Exploring the Bicycle-Brain Connection:How Exercise Boosts Cognitive
Function
healthjournal at wsj.com

mw in
menard
----- Original Message ----- 
From: "Harry Edwards" <laughingwolf at ev1.net>
To: "ghetto 2" <ghetto2 at lists.whathelps.com>
Cc: "ghetto survivors" <austin-ghetto-list at pairlist.net>
Sent: Sunday, September 04, 2005 2:11 PM
Subject: [AGL] Need gas; pull my finger





COMMENTARY: JOHN KELSO
You don't really need gas, right?

Sunday, September 04, 2005

Want cheap gas? Pull my finger.

I can't decide whether to get me a horse or a bicycle to get to work.

The reason I'm thinking of changing my mode of transportation from
Honda Accord to Schwinn? It's this scary remark from President George
W. Bush that makes me figure gasoline prices aren't going anywhere but
up.

"Don't buy gas if you don't need it," President Bush told the American
people on Thursday.

What this tells me is that the price of gasoline is about to jump from
$2.79 a gallon to $3.19. So I better go fill up fast.

Don't buy gas if you don't need it. Why does this remind me of "Let
them eat cake?" That's like saying, if you don't need air, stop
breathing.

OK, so I know what Bush was trying to say. He was trying to say that
because of distribution and refinery problems caused by Hurricane
Katrina, it would be helpful if Americans didn't buy gas unless it's
absolutely necessary.

Of course, if the refinery improvement program continues at the same
rate as the New Orleans evacuation, our best bet is the invention of an
engine that runs on road apples. Who's running this country anyway? The
Marx Brothers?

Besides, how many people buy gas just for laughs when they don't need
it? "Hey, I know what. I think I'll go buy me $100 worth of gas. I
don't need it. I just like lookin' at it. I got me a lava lamp, and I'm
gonna fill it up with Chevron."

Bush's biggest mistake, though, was telling Americans not to buy
something because there's a shortage. You know what this does? It
creates lines of people waiting to buy something because there's a
shortage.

Oh, by the way, the president wants you to continue with your normal
activities after you run out of gas on the interstate and have to hike
home on the access road.

Yes, there are some handy steps you can take as an American to make a
gallon of gasoline stretch farther.

When you go to to work out, you could stop driving around in the Gold's
Gym parking lot looking for a parking spot 20 feet closer to the front
door.

You could park that Chevrolet Titanic you're driving and use it as a
planter. Don't you get lonely sitting in the front seat of that thing
all by yourself? Why do you need that much car for one guy? Are you
fixing to go on the all-Hoffbrau diet and gain 100 pounds?

Another thing you could do to save on gas is stop taking your kids to
school in the family car. Make them walk. Check that. Make them
low-crawl. There's a fat kid outbreak in this country, and our youth
could stand to sweat out some of those Ding Dongs.

Hey, I saw a chunky teenage-lookin' male thing Friday morning getting
out of a car on my street in South Austin who had on a black T-shirt
that said, "Work bad. Video games good." Hey kid. Doritos bad, knuckle
sandwich good. I suspect this kid's mother was driving him to school.
Big mistake. She should put his Twinkie'ed tush on a 20-mile forced
march and save herself some money at the pump.

John Kelso's column appears on Sundays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Contact
him at 445-3606 or jkelso at statesman.com.